Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
