My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
