I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
