SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
