Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
