Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
