Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
