This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
