he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
