just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
