he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
