drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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