I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
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It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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