I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize