the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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