Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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