what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried