Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm