I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
The uberlube is also flammable
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"