The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest