According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks