Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?

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(631): Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later? http://tfl.nu/fnnu

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(248): View more from Michigan

Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke

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(248): Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke http://tfl.nu/ag71

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(234): View more from Ohio

No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.

(387): View more from

I don't know what to judge you more for.

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(234): No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods. (387): I don't know what to judge you more for. http://tfl.nu/wm5k

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(818): View more from California

apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

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(818): apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today" http://tfl.nu/nsmf

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.

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(412): he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along. http://tfl.nu/2jm5

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(847): View more from Illinois

he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?

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(847): he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel? http://tfl.nu/aqse

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(516): View more from New York

How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?

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(516): How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear? http://tfl.nu/ycsa

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(702): View more from Nevada

Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim

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(702): Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim http://tfl.nu/n7dg

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(510): View more from California

Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.

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(510): Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her. http://tfl.nu/i4zz

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.

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(860): Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/foqn

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.

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(715): I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far. http://tfl.nu/o4x5

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(813): View more from Florida

EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?

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(813): EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order? http://tfl.nu/uphg

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(719): View more from Colorado

There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra

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(719): There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra http://tfl.nu/4qki

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.

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(+44): I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home. http://tfl.nu/i339

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(607): View more from New York

I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.

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(607): I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know. http://tfl.nu/l46m

Replies (3) Good night (863) Bad night (387)

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