Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
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they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day