I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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