They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
