ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
