does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
