Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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