Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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