I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
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When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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