Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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