She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Mom said you looked used
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
