hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
