I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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