whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
