And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
