She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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