i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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