i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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