Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
