if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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