I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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