It was confusing and full of hummus
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
