Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
