i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
