nut hugger
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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