I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
there is puke in my bra ... again
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