I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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