u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
