I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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