what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
the liver wants what the liver wants
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
