Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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