she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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