there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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