Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sext me about skeletons
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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