now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
