At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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