I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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