I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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