I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
