he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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