Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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