if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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