I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
