I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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