Yo dont text me then not text me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
