I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
