Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
