i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
