so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize