I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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