dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”