He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
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Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
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When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.