He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.