he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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