I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
