Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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