More tranny stories later!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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